Self-destructive internet dreamboat #3

(written about 38 minutes later from S.D.I.D. #2)


It apears
my dreamboat
has left the building

a girl named Brit
started hitting on me
and that is where
I lost track
of the S.D.I.D.

Brit came up to me
stated she was hitting on me
asked me
if I was gay
she was drunk

she bought me a drink
this was the first time
somebody has bought a drink for me

actually that is not true
but at the moment I forgot about the first time
somebody bought me a drink
so I was very excited

Brit talked about
Hannah Montana's sexual relationship with her father
and some book about something or other
I promised her I would check out the book

she would stand on her toes as she talked
rubbing her breasts on me
as she brought her body up towards my ear

Aaron Cometbus had reviewed her zine
she was extremely excited
certain she could use this cred
across the nation, on tour
to make huge wads of cash selling zines

"Aaron Cometbus reviewed my zine
he said Eggplant and him discussed the thing
over coffee
do you have any idea?
those are the two biggest zine writers
in the whole Bay Area
and they talked about
MY ZINE
over coffee
you know how like
you're in a metal band
and when you go on tour there's like
this huge pit every time
but when you get home
there is nothing?
It is going to be just like that,"
she explained

somewhere during all this
my dreamboat disappeared
I went looking for her
to no avail

maybe its more fun
to write about her like this
anyways

self-destructive internet dreamboat #2

(Update-- 11:59 that same night.)


I went down
to the shit town
San Pablo street
punk rock venue
across from the burnt out fry shack

standing right outside
on a carpet of cigarette butts
was my suicidal internet dreamboat
I was about 76% certain it was her

she was very short
I pretended not to notice
her stare at me across the distance between us
as I wondered
if she had gotten the message
I sent earlier in the day

right before I came here
I was at Sam's house sitting
on the couch looking at
furry nudes
with his roommate, Jamie

at that moment
that was her--Jamie's
chosen method of procrastination

I have seen Jamie
on OK cupid, as well
though we have yet to talk about it

we looked at enormous
anthropomorphic
chameleon
breasts

they filled up half the whole screen
as Jamie's kitten
climbed into my lap
and began to clean itself

I guess I should stop writing
this crap
and go talk to my dreamboat

self-destructive internet dreamboat #1

there she was
on OK cupid.com
her angry face pressed into a sheet of glass
up above some sort of
painted wooden bison
I could see right up
both her nostrils

her speech bubble above this picture said:
"I am masochistic,
hateful,
and apathetic"
immediately I knew she was the one for me

her self-description
(because, you know. you have got to have
a self-description)
said:
"just killing time
in between suicide attempts
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx"


I drew in my breath
felt the butterflies rise up
through my lungs
into the arteries of my
beating heart

she lives only
eight miles
away

at this very moment
she could be only
eight miles
from my present location
and she logged in
just yesterday
at two seventeen
P.M.

"my asshole itches,"
she writes

her profile is poetry
every line
breaks my heart in half
then tries super glue
the whole thing back together
before I get home from work
or something like that

why
did this harebrained goddess
sign up to this website
and make this wonderful
half-assed profile?

does she want to find
someone like ME?
am I the reason
she does all this?
how do I even approach
such a powerful
person?

if I knew all this stuff
maybe I would not need
to write poetry